Cheom-brain

I'd like to apologize for any of the spelling mistakes and word mix-ups you may have to endure when reading the blog. Although I have traditionally been a sloppy speller, I am going to pull the cancer card on this one. Even though I proof-read the posts, I can still not notice that I may have written Anna where it should say Emily, and other such things.

I think it's chemo that is kind of turning me into an airhead. For example today I drove into a post while parking the car (don't tell Mathilde, cause I tried to convince her I did it on purpose -"Just trying to bring it in tight"). A few weeks ago I stared directly at a no crossing sign, and then stepped into the street anyway. I was actually confused when Mathilde started yelling at me and the car screeched and blasted a traffic stopping horn. I couldn't figure out what everybody was on about.

On the other hand, I did notice I spelled "chemo" incorrectly in the subject of this post - I left it that way cause it made me laugh ;-) And by the way, if you notice some mistake that makes it hard to understand what the hell I am talking about, please let me know.

Ninus |nēnoōs|

About three years ago, the girls each got a rabbit, one named Ninus the other named Bunny. The first summer, we let the rabbits run around free in the yard during the day. In the evenings, I would go out and catch them, and put them in their hutch for the night, safe from the fox. Overtime, they became faster and harder to catch, and as we approached fall, the days became shorter. Finally, one late afternoon in September I found myself running around in the rain trying to catch rabbits. Ninus was always easy pretty easy, but Bunny would do anything to avoid being caught. I think I chased Bunny around the yard for about an hour, before she disappeared into the bushes. By that time, the sun had set, it was dark and I was soaking wet. I left Bunny to hide in the bushes and called it a night. We never saw her again.

The girls were only mildly upset. I think I took it worst. The consequence for Ninus was that she lost her freedom - we decided to keep her locked up in the hutch. The days of running wild in the yard were over. Ninus spent the fall and winter caged in and alone.

By the time spring came around, I felt really bad for Ninus. The girls had completely lost interest, and she would just sit all day with her nose pressed against the chicken wire, looking out at the big open yard. I decided to see what I could do to make her life better. I bought a bunch of chicken wire and made a fenced in area next to her hutch where she could play. I then cut a whole in the side of the hutch and built a ramp down to the play area. Ninus loved it. She could now run in and out anytime she wanted, she could eat dandelions (and rose bushes) and dig holes in the dirt.

She started digging a pretty ambitious hole in the center of her play area. After a while she got bored with the hole, so I tried to encourage her. I ended up making a big hollowed out mound built with rocks and bricks and sod. She could sit on top of the mound during the day, and crawl inside at night. Ninus picked up the torch from there. She spent the next several months under the mound, digging a burrow for herself. At times I could actually hear her, underground, 10 feet way from the mound entrance. Anyway, Ninus was having fun, and I started getting teased for the amount of time I spent on her. She became known as my rabbit.

When the next winter came Ninus abandoned her hutch for the fancy burrow she had dug. A field mouse took over the hutch, and would share Ninus's food in the morning. From the house we actually watch the two of them hanging out around the bowl of rabbit food. Ninus began to live a "natural" like, she'd spend the days above ground, and nights underground, safe from the fox.

The really fun thing about her, though, was that she was very social, when anybody went down to visit her she would run over and stand against the fence and wait to have her ears scratched. When the next spring came and the girls were out playing in the yard, I noticed that Ninus was very attentive to everything they did. She was watching them. I decided to try an experiment. I cut a small door in the fence so she could run out into the yard. I watched for a while, but she didn't seem interested. I went up to have lunch on the patio with girls.

About ten minutes later, we saw Ninus hopping across the yard. She explored for a while, then hopped up the steps to the patio, sniffed our feet, stood up by our chairs to have her ears scratched, and then fell asleep beneath the lunch table. As she roamed the yard over the next few days, we realized we didn't have a rabbit - we had a dog! She would follow the girls around the yard, hop into the house to explore (and shit all over the floor), scratch at the back door to get attention. Friends would come to visit and be amazed that a rabbit would hop right up to them to say hello. Everybody who saw her commented on how extremely unique she was.

There was a problem though. As soon as Ninus discovered freedom, she abandoned the burrow. I had hoped that she would continue to spend her nights underground, but it is warmer now, and she was more inclined to sleep in the middle of the yard beneath the moonlight. Luckily, since her last flight with freedom 2 years earlier, a mange epidemic had wiped out all of the foxes in the area. We talked about it, and decided to let Ninus live a free and happy life. We knew the foxes would eventually come back, but that could take years, and she was enjoying herself like never before.

For the next several months this happy little bunny became a part of our family. In the mornings when I came down to the kitchen to make breakfast, not five minutes would pass before Ninus was pawing at the back door. We couldn't take a step outside without her hopping at our heels. The only scare at all was when she disappeared for a day. We looked for her everywhere, and it turned out she had slipped into the seldom used garage when the door was open and then someone closed door without realizing she was in there.

The more attached we became to her, the more we worried about a fox coming along one day. But we really didn't want to take away her freedom just to keep her safe. So she stayed free and happy through the summer and into the fall. And then, one morning, just about the time that I got my cancer diagnosis, Ninus didn't come to paw at the door. The girls went to school and Mathilde and I had to spend the day in the hospital. By the time we got back in the evening, it was dark out, and were preoccupied enough to forget about Ninus.

The next morning, Ninus again didn't come to the door to greet us. After the girls left for school, I put on my boots and went out to look for her. A few days earlier, we had had a light snow that had melted quickly. I thought it strange at first when I saw there was still some small patches of snow in the grass. As I came closer, I realized it wasn't snow, but bits of white rabbit hair scattered around in about a ten foot wide circle. Ninus shed a lot, so having a tuft of rabbit hair floating around, or caught in a bush was not unusual, but this was A LOT of hair. My heart sank.

I looked all around the yard for a long time (and in the garage), but I couldn't find any other traces of her (or of a fox for that matter). There was no blood anywhere, but that didn't really mean anything, a fox could have grabbed her pretty quickly and run off. And that was the only thing I could think of that could have happened. My guess was a fox snuck up on her while she was sleeping. He grabbed her and she kicked and struggled, causing the hair to be shed and spread around the yard. The fox ran off, jumped over the fence, and that was it.

As I raked up the hair (so the girls wouldn't see it), I think that was the low point of my entire cancer ordeal. I basically knew I had cancer, but was just waiting to have it confirmed. And there I was raking away the last remains of the silly, happy, and free little rabbit that had hopped into our lives. My rabbit. I'm not a superstitious person, but I couldn't help making a connection - trying to make it mean something. I couldn't really figure out how to make the death of Ninus mean anything good, though. After a while I started referring to her as my "sacrificial rabbit". That was the only positive twist I could put on. I thought that was the end of it.

Yesterday, we were out in the yard cleaning up a bit before spring. We decided to move Ninus's empty hutch further to the back where it can't be seen from the house. Mathilde pulled down the remains of the fence, and I decided to tear down the big mound of dirt that I built to serve as the entrance to her burrow. I was also curious to see how many different tunnels she had constructed. Once I got the top off the mound, I could see there were several tunnels going off in different directions. In one of the tunnels I saw a mat of hair and what I thought was tuber. I assumed the hair was part of an old bed, but I got a stick to use to investigate the tuber. It wasn't tuber. It was the bone of Ninus's hind leg. At first I though the fox had somehow eaten Ninus in the burrow, but that made no sense, there was no way the fox could have gotten. As I looked closer, I realized there wasn't just the bone of her hind leg - her entire carcass was there, right at the entrance to the tunnel. She had been in her burrow the whole time I had been searching the yard. No more than two feet away from me if I had just looked.

We still don't know what happened to Ninus. Maybe the fox got a bite of her, but she managed to get to the safety of her burrow - only to die from her wounds. Maybe there was no fox at all, and she died from something else entirely. I don't know, but I don't think its a better end to the story. I wish I had taken the top off the burrow back then and found her. She may have already been dead, but maybe not. Maybe we could have saved her- then it would be easy and all to tempting to make it mean something. As it is now, I choose to believe it doesn't mean a damned thing. It just kind of makes me sad, and I miss that rabbit.



The picture below is of Emily and Ninus in 2005, when they were both "babies"

4 more days

I am really enjoying the extra days that I have between rounds of chemo this time. It seems weird to feel this good and still have 4 days to play with. As far as how I am feeling, I would say pretty good. I definitely don't feel 100%, but I do feel like my lungs are getting a bit better. It still is uncomfortable when I breath, but I don't think it is as bad as it was before. Lack of energy is still an annoyance, but after a nap on the couch today I was out pushing the lawn mower. That was nice.

I'm not completely free this week though, besides the usually blood tests on Thursday, I get a CAT scan on Tuesday. This is the scan that will determine how many rounds of chemo I'll get (12, 14 or 16). I should get the results on Thursday. Unfortunately, if my shoulder hurts durning the scanning this time, I can't really bitch about it. I haven't done any of the stretching or exercises I promised myself I would do after the last scan.

Sympathy bandage

Anna's fingers are feeling better today. It was nice to see her smiling and giggling again. As I mentioned yesterday, she thinks her bandage is VERY ugly and she is pretty embarrassed about it. I don't get that at all - when I was I kid I used to be so jealous of the kids who got to wear casts and big bandages, seemed like a badge of courage to me.

Today Mathilde decided to help her out buy putting in a sympathy bandage. It was pretty funny seeing the two of them walking around the grocery store. The trick worked though - this evening Anna went to pick up Emily at a birthday party and didn't insist of hiding her hand in a sling.



For this picture below, Mathilde and Anna noticed they looked alike, but Anna pointed out they that she was missing her teeth. Instead of Mathilde blackening her teeth out, they decided to make some "sympathy" teeth for Anna.



By the way, I'm not sure Anna won't be mad at me for posting the picture with her bandage - so if you talk to her, don't mention it ;-)

A secret

Mathilde took Anna to the emergency room today to have Anna's fingers checked. After a three hour wait, an x-ray and a meeting with the doctor, Anna came home with the news that one of her fingers is broken. She is crushed about it, and doesn't want anybody to know. She absolutely does not want anybody to see her bandaged hand. Seriously, she was home for 15 minutes before I was even allowed to peak at it. If we even mention school on Monday, she starts crying.

She was in a lot of pain after her visit with the doctor and she couldn't understand at all why we took her there. As far as she was concerned, the visit to the emergency room only made it hurt more and look uglier. It seems like she is doing better now though, and we hope it just gets easier for her from this point. The bandages can come off in a week.

At first Anna said I could NOT blog about it. But after she ate a lollipop, dried her tears and watched Grease (and after I begged a bit) she agreed that I could blog about it. BUT, you cannot tell anybody. Anna's broken finger is a secret between you and me. Maybe after a few more lollipops I can get picture.

The show must go on

Last night was the final Xfactor show. I am surprised at how our little family has gotten so sucked into the show. The video below is a clip from the show that had Mathilde and I rolling off the couch with laughter. I'm reluctant to post it here, because it may only be really funny to people who speak Danish and are interested in the show. But I actually think most everybody will get a good laugh out of it.

Its a seven minute clip. The first 4 minutes are a look back at some of the wackier contestants who were rejected. Then, to everyones surprise, the wacky rejects come on stage and sing a hysterical rendition of The Show Must Go On.

Mathilde pointed out that it was like something out of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. When you see the old lady dancing you'll know what she means. (And a little detail that I think is impressive- it was a live broadcast)

UPDATE: I just want to add, when I say this video is hysterical, I don't mean you laugh at these people. It's more like you laugh because its crazy and wacky and awesome. My thought when I saw it was, "Holy shit that is cool!" So, if you have 7 minutes, watch it. It's awesome.

Ouch!

Poor Anna Banana got her two middle fingers pinched in a door today :-( It looks like it hurts like hell. She is being very brave about it, though. Unfortunately, I do think she pinched the "baby talk" nerve. I guess she is allowed to baby talk when her fingers look like this...



We've discovered that she handles the pain best when she is propped in front of cartoons with a bowl full of M&M's. (Parenting at its best)

Incognito

Some of you may have noticed a debate Benjamin and I had in the comments a while ago. I took my usual pro-Apple stance, Benjamin took his usual anti-Apple stance. I wrote that I was looking forward to seeing what happened when Benjamin went to San Francisco and was met with Apples everywhere. Well, he is there now, and just sent this picture. Can you guess which one is Benjamin? Made me laugh out loud :-)



UPDATE: It just occurred to me that Benjamin looks like I do when I am on my way to the hospital for chemo.

Life goes on in Tehran

I just came across this site called, Life Goes On In Tehran.

From the site:
About: A personal monthly photo blog by a former Los Angeles resident who recently moved to Tehran.

I just looked through the images from March 2008 and read the FAQ. When I get more time, I'll definitely go back and start from the beginning.

The eyebrow thing again

Yesterday, while the girls were playing a game, the computer screen saver was displaying images from our photo library. Just as it was fading out, Anna noticed this picture of herself taken at Halloween 2004.


Anna said, "Hey! There was just a picture of a girl that looked like me, but she had eyebrows like Daddy"
Emily said, "What do you mean?"
Anna replies. "She had BIG, DARK, BUSHY eyebrows! Like Daddy."
At this point I interrupted, feigning offense, and said, "Hey! What are you talking about?"
Anna looks at me, thinks for a second, and says, "Okay, I mean back when you HAD eyebrows."

Uhm...I kinda found that weight I lost

This is kind of a tough one to explain without looking like an idiot. But you see, we have this digital scale that can switch between pounds and kilograms. It's usually on kilograms. Somehow it got switched to pounds. I uhm...I didn't really notice that when I weighed myself yesterday.

You're probably thinking, "How the hell could he NOT notice that?" Well, I have a long and somewhat convoluted explanation that I think makes pretty good sense. I tried it out on Mathilde last night, but unfortunately she was laughing so hard I don't think she really paid attention. So, I think I'll keep my explanation to myself on this one and just report that my weight is no longer a concern.

See, this is the kind of thing I am talking about

Mathilde has fed me about 6 different things in the half hour she's been home. She just gave me a glass of milk that she had secretly spiked with heavy cream. I caught on to her trick pretty quick though, cause the cream had turned bad. I think I'll try to explain to her that Rome was not built in a day.

Health note (5)

hmm... I just discovered that I am loosing weight again. I lost around 8 pounds since I last checked :-(
I've sort of been slipping with the diet, but I am sure as soon as Mathilde finds out about the weight loss she'll be force feeding me like a French goose again.

I also need to be better about getting exercise.

On the positive side, my ear hair is still doing fine. But nothing like the nutty guy in the video Rod sent me.

UPDATE: The video is taking a long time to load, so if you lack patience, this is what I am talking about.

Tired

It seems being tired is becoming a fact of life.

All kidding aside

I have actually been feeling kind of guilty since my post last night (titled, "Funny Denmark"). I sort of feel like I have betrayed a country that has been very good to me. I mean it IS some silly stuff, but I would hate for people to have that be their only impression of Denmark and the Danes.

I could make a list of all the things I like about this place, but I'll just mention the obvious, which is the fantastic treatment I have received by the health care system here. I will be forever indebted to the doctor who diagnosed me, John Hørby. I am still amazed by his kindness, professionalism, and dedication - I've never met a doctor like him. And the nurses who handle the chemo patients are like angels crossed with worker bees. I've never seen people who can deal with so much at once and yet make each patient seem like they are the most important person in the world. I wish I could repay these people in someway.

So without getting to mushy and sentimental, let me just state that I think Denmark is a fantastic place, and the Danes are wonderful people (even if they do chase ice cream trucks in the snow).

Found footage

This just in. Apparently Hillary did NOT misspeak.

Funny Denmark

One of the pleasures of living in a foreign country is that you often notice silly little things that the natives take for granted (you also notice the same kind of things about your own country when you return). I thought about this earlier today when I heard the ice-cream man driving his truck up our street and ringing his bell with abandon - in the middle of a blinding snow storm. The ice-cream truck is such a long-standing tradition here, that I am not even sure Danes recognize the absurdity of that.

But what really inspired me to write this post was what just happened on TV. The best television station in Denmark (arguably) is the fully public station DR1- great news, sports, documentaries, Oscar winning movies - all without commercials. But, despite all of this fantastic stuff, I am occasionally flabbergasted by their programming choices. Tonight was one of those occasions.

DR1 produces X-factor (Danish version of American Idol). The show is HUGELY popular. I think at least half the country watches. Tonight the two finalists are giving a live, outdoor concert in the Copenhagen town hall. DR1 has the exclusive broadcast rights for the concert. The show started at 7 pm, and we huddled up on the couch with the girls and started watching with anticipation. It was shaping up to be a great concert, but suddenly, about 15 minutes into it, they stopped the broadcast (not the concert) and announced that now they would be moving on to the next program.

The girls were totally bummed and Mathilde and looked at each like DR1 must be nuts. I joked that they probably had an important show about basket weaving to broadcast. I couldn't have been more wrong. The program they interrupted the concert to broadcast was not about baskets - it was about enemas. I'm not kidding. We even got to see a little preview clip with liquid flowing through a giant plastic tube... oh the joy :-)

If I was on twitter, I'd probably write things like this...

I just coughed rice up my nose.

(If you don't know, this is twitter)

Out of the house

I am at the office today to check mail and get some work done. It smells like apples here. The big juicy Pink Lady apples I bought last time I was here are starting to look like prunes. The only other problem with the office (well, actually the apple smell is kind of nice) is that there is no place to take a nap.

Anemia looks like a rough one

I was just trying to get some info on what might be causing the faintness, lung issue, etc, so I Googled "anemia".

Check out this symptom:
"Hunger for strange substances such as paper, ice, or dirt"

I can hear Mathilde now, "Honey, do have any idea what happened to the pad of post-it notes I just bought?"

Spicy food tip

My aunt Sara, who is kicking ass on her own form of lymphoma at the moment, sent me the best chemo tip so far. The first few days after chemo is usually a period you just have to put your head down and plow through. Then you start feeling better and start getting back to normal. But, there are some lingering side effects that just get to be annoying (and sometimes discouraging). For me, one of those side effects has been the metallic taste in my mouth that lasts until just a few days before the next chemo starts. It makes most food taste weird and other food just down right bad.

A few weeks ago, Sara sent an email saying that spicy food masked the metallic taste. Well, last night we ordered Thai take-away (traditional Easter menu, of course) and it was pure satisfaction. Watery eyes and sniffling nose, but no metal at all. I even washed it down with a beer, which usually tastes like aluminum foil.

Chemo 9.5

I just thought I would stick with tradition and close out the round 9 chemo posts.  As I mentioned, I think I got off easy this time. But I also think I am becoming very skilled at balancing food and medication intake inorder to prevent nausea and avoid the headaches.  

A few things I have noticed this round. The tingling fingers are more like itchy fingers this time. The strange thing is that scalding water on my hands actually feels really good -  and at the same time it hurts like hell (I think there might be a name for that pleasure/pain combo).

Another thing I noticed is that I get faint if I stand up too quickly. I realized this last night when I was on my way out of the living room- my vision went completely black and my legs got all wobbly. I held onto the door for the standing 8 count and then everything was fine . I'm sure it must be a low blood count causing a lack of oxygen, but yes, Mom and Dad, I will mention it to the doctor.

Looking forward to the next 10 1/2 days without chemo!

Chemo 9.4

I feel like I am on my way back towards normal. Maybe this will be the last post for round 9. Woohoo!

The easter bunny came last night, so the girls are totally doped up on sugar. We are going to take them outside for walk around the lake before they break something. The sun is shining and the air is crisp, so it'll be a nice walk - and my first around the lake in weeks.

An Easter gift

Brian sent me this Easter card which arrived in the mail several days ago. When I opened it I discovered that Brian included a thoughtful little gift - a clump of scraggly hair (left over from the sympathy shave, I assume).

I have to admit, although I thought it was a kind gesture on Brian's part, I wasn't at all sure what I was supposed to do with the hair. I've been racking my brains for days trying to figure out what he had in mind, and then finally, this morning, it hit me.

Thanks, Brian. They look great! And what an awesome idea!





Happy Easter everybody!

Chemo bores my readers too

Here's a graph of visits over the last few days. The peak you see was the day I got chemo. You'll notice it's all down hill from there. I think somebody needs to shave something, quick. You guys love it when somebody shaves something.

Chemo 9.3

Slept a lot yesterday and today. Besides being tired, the other side-effects are mild. Basically, I think I'm getting off pretty easy this time around. But I am getting bored with chemo. Bored with experiencing it and bored with writing about. Bored is probably the best I can ask for though - I certainly don't want some side effect to come along and make it "interesting".

Indentured servant

I just lost a bet with Emily about who would make it to the finals of X-factor (Danish version of American Idol). The deal was the looser has to be the winner's servant for two hours.

Emily told me not to worry, and said she'd take it easy on me. She then asked if I had a good waiter costume I could wear. What the hell was I thinking, making a bet about pop music with a 9 year old?? I must be an idiot!

First kiss

Mathilde and I just realized that 17 years ago, in a small town somewhere between Moscow and St. Petersburg, we kissed for the first time. We both agreed we'd do it all over again if we could - which is pretty damned impressive on Mathilde's part considering how high maintenance I've become :-)

Chemo 9.2

Feeling pretty good today. We started a Harry Potter movie marathon yesterday with the girls. I napped through most of Harry Potter 1 but stayed awake through the second one. I probably slept through the first one due to chemo, but it could have to do with the fact that I've already seen it 4 times with the kids. We are scheduled to see 3 and 4 later today.

Very little nausea yesterday or today. I wouldn't even call it nausea, it's just more of an awareness that it is time to eat something or take a pill. I slept fine last night, no night sweats and no trouble falling asleep. I woke up around 9 and spent the morning reading on the couch and watching the girls play with legos. Right now I am listening to Mathilde read to the girls as they sit, eating peanut butter & jelly sandwiches, completely enwrapped in the story. I wish everybody could see Anna's happy peanut butter smile that pretty much spreads from ear to ear. It always makes me laugh the way kids eat their way straight through the middle of a sandwich and out the other side.

Other than being very tired (which is normal), so far chemo 9 is going fine.

I think Brian is doing research

He sent this picture that he found online. Scott's haircut was more elegant, but I think this one does a particularly good job of communicating the general sentiment toward cancer.

Chemo 9.1

I think the nap I took yesterday affected my sleep last night. Once I did fall asleep, I slept like a rock though (no night sweats to wake me up). I woke up at 6 am and went downstairs to get something to eat. Saw Rod was online so I chatted with him for a few minutes then went back to bed. Slept till about 9:30.  

My face is really flushed (sometimes the anti-nausea medicine does that) and I feel more tired than I have on day 1 the last 2 times. Have been dozing off and on since I woke up.  

Right now Mathilde is at the swimming pool with the girls and I am hiding in the bedroom while the house gets cleaned.

It doesn't necessarily have to be over

In a comment to the post below (the one with Scott's new haircut), Rod wrote, "Scott just won, I am not even going to try and compete with that." It's possible Scott has won, but the contest isn't closed yet (just ask Hillary). I for one, can think of a few things that might put a contestant over the top.

For example, I personally think something like this could be quite effective.


But my creativity simply pales in comparison to what I'm sure Alice could do with a blank canvas...

UPDATE: For the record, Mathilde does not think anybody should carve a picture of me in the back of their head, and of course I don't either (would be kind of funny though). Incidentally, I am assuming that Scott went all the way bald again after taking the pictures. Right Scott?

Scott raises the bar

It looks like Scott was inspired by Mathilde suggestion for an egg painting contest. But I think Scott thought, "Hell, why paint when you can carve?" This morning, I woke up to an email from Scott who said that he wanted to give me a pre-chemo giggle. The email had several attached images and was laid out in such a way that I had to scroll a lot to get to the final image. By the time I did, I just about fell out of bed laughing. I wish the same for all of you.

Thanks Scott! Well done :-)

Notice the look of concentration on the barbers face as he studies the head and the inspirational image (left hand);



Scott paused for the obligatory "before" shot (For the record, I definitely would have overlooked the before image requirement on this one. But I appreciate it for the sake of story)



Interesting...this seems to require a fine razor and a 2 handed grip. At this point my curiosity was killing me.


So at his point in the mail, I have to really start scrolling, until I am finally greeted by the text and email you'll see below.








Tada !!! Introducing the "iShave"






In the words of Fenwick, "Now THAT'S a smile!"

Chemo 9.0

I got back from my 9th chemo about an hour ago. It went fine this time, no nausea, desperate bag clutching on the drive home, or anything like that. Mathilde's brother, Jonas, took care of the girls while we were at the hospital. He brought his son Marius, whom Emily and Anna adore, so the kids had a good time. Jonas delayed his vacation in Sweden by a day so he could help out with the kids, which I thought was super nice of him.

I decided to bring the camera with me to chemo so I could give a little insight into what it's like. I actually brought the camera once before a few months ago, but seeing the pictures made me nauseous, so I threw them away. My stomach is stronger now though so I am sure I can take it...I think.

They were fully booked today, so I didn't get my usual chair. The bed is a fine way to go, but has a drawback (drawback coming up).


I only smile like this when there is a camera. Actually, I try to smile at the nurses too, but once I am about an hour into it, it I don't feel much like smiling anymore.

This is the stuff that makes me stop smiling. Four nauseating bags of poison. (I have a bit of a love hate relationship with the chemo drugs).


Sometimes I like to count the drips.


The drawback...



Okay, I think I'll head up to my own bed where my feet don't hangover.

Talk about taking the bull by the horns

I'm only halfway through watching Obama's speech in Philadelphia, but already now, I have the distinct feeling that this will be a speech future generations will remember. Everybody really ought to take 40 minutes off from whatever they typically waste 40 minutes with and listen to this speech. I am watching/listening to it at this link where its possible to scroll down and read the transcript at the same time. It's a pretty amazing speech, but then again, maybe he blows it in the second half...

I guess I didn't hit her hard enough

Vacation is over once again

And I feel like it just got started. Anyway, tomorrow is chemo round 9. The doctor said my blood count looked ok (I'll probably get the Neupogen shots next week too). I told him the irritation in my lungs hasn't gotten any better and that I didn't seem to be getting my full energy back after chemo anymore. He checked my blood tests for signs of infection, and listened to my lungs again (last week I had the xray). Everything essentially looks "normal" for somebody getting chemo.

I said I didn't worry about feeling bad as long as I knew I was supposed to feel bad. To be on the safe side (or maybe to appease me) he ordered some lung tests for after the next chemo. But I have a feeling the tests will come back negative. My guess is that this is what they mean when they say it gets cumulatively more difficult. But I'm still hoping I just have a cold I need to kick and that soon the good days will be really good again.

The girls are off from school this week, so they got to go with us. I think they thought it was fun, and I was proud to show them off to the nurses at my chemo ward (I told the girls that if they smiled a lot then I would probably get extra special treatment tomorrow). I had to wait for a REALLY long time for my appointment with the doctor so Mathilde ended up taking the girls exploring. They went up to 21st floor where there are great views. It's funny, for the kids the hospital is just one big, exciting playground. And to think, just the sight of makes me nauseous.

We feel just awful about this

It seems that our snowman, who so enthusiastically did the sympathy shave yesterday, suffered from a rare case of Samonitis - thats right, cutting his hair off did him in. Although we really had no way of knowing, we of course can't help but feel responsible (glad it was Mathilde's idea and not mine!)

We'll miss you snowman, you were the best.

Another sympathy shave

Woohoo!





And thanks to Mathilde, if she hadn't thought of it, it never even would have occurred to me to ask the snowman if he wanted to join the Sympathy Shavers Club. As soon as he heard about it he said, "Hell yes! I want in!"

Congratulations Scott

Just got news from Scott that he was accepted for the job he started applying for several weeks ago.  It seemed like a pretty intense application process with many interview stages and lots of other good candidates. I imagine one of Scott's greatest strengths is that he is both really good with the nerdy technical stuff and also excellent with the people stuff. I'm still not sure I completely understand what Scott does, but he must be pretty damned good at it.  Way to go Scott, you rock!

My chemo-costume got wet

When we woke up this morning, the house was abnormally cold, so I threw on my chemo-costume and headed to the basement to check the furnace. The furnace had gotten itself stuck in some weird pre-startup cycle so I restarted it, gave it a kick, and it was humming away again. All good. 

Unfortunately, on my way out of the furnace room, I bumped into a jerry-rigged clamp system that I had put on a pipe about a year ago to stop a leak.  Bumping into it was enough to knock it off, and I quickly discovered that what had been a leak a year ago was now a hole, and a geyser of cold water was spraying out - all over my chemo-costume!

With Mathilde's help, and after several wet and stressful minutes, we managed to jerry-rig the clamp again - so the leak is patched. I actually think it's good enough to last another year, but for some reason Mathilde felt the need to call the plumber. The plumber is on his way, my chemo suit is drying, and I am trying to adjust to the scratchiness of this sweater.

What a difference a day makes

Yesterday it was sunshine and flowers, today it's a winter wonderland. It's our first real snow this year, so even though it's March, the snow was greeted with a smile.

Here are some pictures of our evening stroll to the store. Notice the girls are a bit inexperienced with snow. They started rolling a giant snowball (for a snowman) on the way TO the store, by the time we started the walk back they realized it was going to be too big if they kept rolling, so they ended up having to carry it the rest of the way.

Favorite things about chemo

Another one of my favorite things about chemo is that people do really silly things to help keep my spirits up (like shave off their hair). For any one considering chemo I recommend taking full enjoyment in this (although beware, because there is probably a fine line between encouraging the fun and asking too much).

An example of this is the email I received from Brian and Alice last week. It had the subject "American Gothic Revisited..." and had the following two pictures attached.




We all know the second picture. I like to imagine the first picture is just Brian and Alice doing their usual Saturday night thing.

Hoppy Sunday

The sun was shining, the flowers were blooming, the birds were singing, and the girls were hopping. It was a good day.

Mathilde and the girls get creative

Ever since the sympathy shaves started coming in, Mathilde has thought it would be a great idea to have an "egg" painting contest. Well, today as I was eating breakfast, she came up behind me and took matters into her own hands. Then the girls had their turn on my forehead.